I pay that this new year will be a year full of grace and blessings to you. I am not surprised that you do not enjoy inward prayer as you first did.
Every pleasure is likely to be exhausted. An active personality, accustomed to lots of activity, will faint in solitude. For a long time you have been distracted by much outward activity. I am aware of the trouble you will encounter as you seek to live a life totally given over to God’s will.
At first the sheer strength of your enthusiasm will carry you through your problems, no matter how large. when you feel strong, you feel that you can do anything. when you are discouraged, you think that you can do nothing and that all is lost. but both of these ways are wrong.
do not be disturbed by any distraction you experience in prayer. the distractions are deep within you, even when you want to pray inwardly. your temperament and habits all help make you very active. only when you are completely exhausted will you seek a quieter life.
by being fruitful you will gradually come to experience a deeper inward life with fewer distractions. god gave you a foretaste of it before in order that you might see where he wanted to lead you. he then takes this wonderful taste away so that you can see that it does not belong to you. see clearly that everything he gives is a gift of grace which must be received in humility.
do not be surprised to find yourself overly sensitive, impatient, proud and self-willed. realize that this is your natural disposition. Augustine says you must bear the yoke of the daily confession of your sins. learn to feel your own weakness, waywardness, and inability to correct yourself. Despair of your own heart and hope only in God. Bear with yourself, but do not flatter yourself into thinking you are better than you are. Do not neglect anything needed for your correction
See your true character, but wait on God’s timing to transform it. Let yourself become lowly under His all-powerful hand. Anytime you sense any resistance in your will, yield yourself to God. Cultivate silence as much as possible. Be in no hurry to judge. hold back your decisions, your likes and dislikes. stop at once when your activity becomes too hurried. Do not be eager even for good things.
