How to Communicate as a Leader, Friend, and Human
Creating long book reviews has never been my specialty but I do want others to read this book, especially if you are a Christian. This book gives you insight to communication habits of the people of the world and has amazing insight. For those who are familiar with Larry Crabb and Dan Allender, many of the concepts will e pronounced but realize this book is older than both of them. Also it has specific examples for daily life, marital life, parenting, businesses and future (from his perspective) Fortune 500 companies.
Book weaves a fascinating tale about how to work and communicate with “People.” But not just anyone, everyone. He also makes a clear distinction between “effective communication and persuasion” and “manipulation.” Carnegie teaches that everything we do must, and always, be from a spirit of care and genuine interest of the other individual. A great example of this comes from the defining of the word “business.” Adrian Rogers, Love Worth Finding founder, stated that business is and must always be a “win-win” deal. Anything less, you are actively taking advantage of and manipulating another individual.
Why is this exciting?
Because it looks at humanity, business, and life. When we look at humanity, we have to allow ourselves to view the depravity and the joy of life. That being said, Carnegie recognizes the fallen nature of people and how they react. By understanding how people react, we are able to better communicate with them on a level of accuracy and intimacy. Intimacy in business, relationships and friendships. That is what I find exciting.
Why should Christians read “How to win friends, and influence people”?
Two reasons:
First lets check scripture out:
Luk 16:1 And he said also unto his disciples, There was a certain rich man, which had a steward; and the same was accused unto him that he had wasted his goods.
Luk 16:2 And he called him, and said unto him, How is it that I hear this of thee? give an account of thy stewardship; for thou mayest be no longer steward.
Luk 16:3 Then the steward said within himself, What shall I do? for my lord taketh away from me the stewardship: I cannot dig; to beg I am ashamed.
Luk 16:4 I am resolved what to do, that, when I am put out of the stewardship, they may receive me into their houses.
Luk 16:5 So he called every one of his lord’s debtors unto him, and said unto the first, How much owest thou unto my lord?
Luk 16:6 And he said, An hundred measures of oil. And he said unto him, Take thy bill, and sit down quickly, and write fifty.
Luk 16:7 Then said he to another, And how much owest thou? And he said, An hundred measures of wheat. And he said unto him, Take thy bill, and write fourscore.
Luk 16:8 And the lord commended the unjust steward, because he had done wisely: for the children of this world are in their generation wiser than the children of light.
Luk 16:9 And I say unto you, Make to yourselves friends of the mammon of unrighteousness; that, when ye fail, they [the angels] may receive you into everlasting habitations.
Jesus said it Himself, make friends. I agree. I also suggest being wise since we can potentially be at a disadvantage with the people of this world due to our naivety.
Second:
We are called to make disciples and influence people for Christ. I see no better way than to learn practical things about human nature and how to influence people for Christ.
What did I learn from this book?
I learned how to be more careful and less cutting with my words in a even more real setting than what the Bible usually states. That might be confusing but truly I can be cutting and this book showed more and more ways for me to communicate effectively.
I learned how to effectively listen better and ask better questions. Two principals I would state here:
1. Dale suggests to always take the interest of the individual. When you ask an intelligent question about a person’s interests, they will be amazing acquaintances and friends. This is also biblical, [quote I have become all things to all people, that some might be saved.] This is a direct correlation to this scripture and principle
2. I once heard a long time ago, that if you are the one asking the questions, with friends or family, you are the one directing the conversation. The cool thing is, the other person feels like they are doing the talking and get feel like they are heard.
I also learned that even 100 years ago, taking the time for things you don’t have time for, changes lives. I’ve heard and used this phrase before, but I always thought it was a truth that only came about in our age of shallow relationships. To hear that it was meaningful 100 years ago before the majority of media and during a time of important fellowship shows that in so many ways, we are no different than 100 years ago and our lives will always be connected. Because of that, time and intentionality is a valuable gift.
