Wrong Motivation
There is something deceptively wrong with the way you deal with your suffering. while on the outside you seem to be only concerned with the glory of God, the unconquered self-nature deep within is causing you trouble. I am sure that you want God to be glorified, but you want His glory to be expressed through the testimony that He has made you perfect. let me tell you that this feeds self-love. it is simply a clever disguise of the self-nature.
If you really want to grow from the discovery of your faults, do not justify nor condemn yourself because of them. instead, quietly bring them before God. Agree with Him about all things – even those you cannot understand.
Remain at peace, for peace is what God wants for you no matter what is happening. There is , in fact, a peace of conscience which sinners should enjoy as they are repenting. Suffering should be peaceful and tempered with God’s comfort. Remember the wonderful word of God that once delighted you – “The lord was not in the noise and confusion, but in the still, small voice.” (I kings 19:11)
Dealing with your faults
Don’t worry about your faults. you are likely to seek what God can give to you rather than God himself.
I was just reading about someone who had read the biography of a godly person. He was so angered at his own comparative imperfection that he entirely gave up the idea of living a life devoted to Christ. Don’t be like that! if you look at how flawed you are, you will upset yourself and interrupt the presence of God and His perfect work within you. The embarrassment you feel at seeing your own faults is a great problem than the original faults.
Francis de Sales said that it is easy to become occupied with Love rather than with the Well-Beloved. If god was the only object of your affection you would be entirely concerned with Him alone. When you are busy trying to get a sense of the feeling that He loves you, then you are still preoccupied with yourself. The more peaceful and open your spirit, the nearer you will sense your Lord.