To experience a taste of God in the duality of his nature
I do apologize for last week not having a lot of post-able notes, but I did want to make sure that we re-visited and closed the loop on the conversation 🙂
During Group we talked about how its hard to think of marriage or relationships and what they can mean, especially when we are outside of it. However, we see examples of it in our parent’s marriages, relationships, and TV Media.
We watched the first bit of a “Star Wars: Clone Wars” episode (Season 2, Episode 4), in which Anakin manipulated Padmay into what he wanted and was not ministering to her needs. This is what was shown to us as kids, as a “marriage.” One that was almost a shameful secret, built on lies and manipulation. And this is what is shown to kids.
So with that, we watched Convergence: Marriage (After the “I do”). Dan Allender and Longman talked about the purpose of marriage and some of the nuances of it.
Our Heart for the evening,
Was that four points came across. Two for girls and two for guys.
For the guys:
1. Donald Miller asked the question, “should we lower our expectations for marriage?” I LOVE this question, because Dan Allender directly said, “Sure! If the point of the marriage is to just get a long, lower your expectations and you will have a reasonably happy marriage.” He also than said, realism, which is what lowering your expectations, is a long tedious and boring experience. Of which, I entirely agree. He was not saying you need to become a naive optimist. But there is more hope than you think, skip to the bottom paragraph for more information.
The point is, Don’t lower your expectations, believe in the beauty that God has for you and know that you have more support than you could ever imagine. It won’t be easy, but the rewards are amazing. In some ways, becoming a man/spiritual maturity is correlated with the amount of higher-work/higher-rewards you begin to engage in.
2. Don also asked, What does it mean to fight together with your wife, against the enemy (paraphrased). Simply put, if you become introspective and only focus on your marriage, you will actually end up nit-picking each other and getting stir crazy. But when the relationship has a purpose greater than itself, it will blossom. A great example of this is actually Bill and Melinda Gates. If I remember right they are either Protestant or Presbyterian but they don’t shout it out to the world. What they do though, is actively work to donate and build up people in third world countries. Each have their own pet project / foundation concerns, and then together they have work collaboratively on one or two at a time.
For Girls:
1. Don asked the two counselors, why not live together? Statistically speaking, its terrible for marriages, but Dan Allender made the analogy that it was like walking a tight rope without a net of commitment to catch you when you fall. I also personally believe you should make the guy work hard for your love, care and concern and enter into marriage before becoming physically intimate.
2. My absolute favorite part of the whole video is when Dan Allender shared how his wife actively “fights for him.” Not as a cheerleader or motivational speaker, but as a mirror. A mirror that reflected the face of God and ministered to him. I do not believe in relegating the wife to purely a support role, but I believe this accurately describes the heart of God. A heart that shows how powerful of a positive impact a wife can make on a husband, and how beautiful God made women.
An interesting study came out some years ago that had some different marriage/divorce statistics. The book, Couples Who Pray, talks about celebrities who pray with their wives. They noted that of couples who regularly pray together for at least 2-5 minutes a day, had a divorce rate of less than 10%.
Keeping God at the center of your relationship, makes a direct difference in your lives and relationships. If you ever have more questions or thoughts, please let us know 🙂
